Some finest Quotes

“"I am" is reportedly the shortest sentence in the English language. Could it be that "I do" is the longest sentence?”

“Inside every cynical person, there is a disappointed idealist”

“Some people see things that are and ask, Why? Some people dream of things that never were and ask, Why not? Some people have to go to work and don't have time for all that ...”

“Have you ever noticed that anybody driving slower than you is an idiot, and anyone going faster than you is a maniac?”

“Atheism is a non-prophet organization”

“Fighting for peace is like screwing for virginity”

“The reason I talk to myself is that I'm the only one whose answers I accept”

“Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.”

“People who say they don't care what people think are usually desperate to have people think they don't care what people think”

“Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."”

“Most people work just hard enough not to get fired and get paid just enough money not to quit”

“I like it when a flower or a little tuft of grass grows through a crack in the concrete. It's so fuckin' heroic.”

“The next time they give you all that civic bullshit about voting, keep in mind that Hitler was elected in a full, free democratic election”

I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.

If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked?

If the "black box" flight recorder is never damaged during a plane crash, why isn't the whole airplane made out of that stuff?

Let a smile be your umbrella, and you'll end up with a face full of rain.

No one ever says, "It's only a game" when their team is winning.

Some see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big.

There are nights when the wolves are silent and only the moon howls.

What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant?

Who decides when the applause should die down? It seems like it's a group decision; everyone begins to say to themselves at the same time, "Well, okay, that's enough of that."

Why do you press harder on a remote-control when you know the battery is dead?

Electricity is really just organized lightning.

Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.